A Job Description for a Lazy Personality

If you are reading this then the title probably struck a chord, and you thought, “Finally! Someone is gonna tell me what I can do, because of course I am too lazy to think of something.” I worked the corporate scene for a year and then some, and figured that it just isn’t for me. Had to wake up too early, catch just the right train or you would be at the risk of being thrown off of the train without the ‘This is Spartaaaaa!’ preamble, slog all day long like a donkey, with no creativity whatsoever, and then feel like a douche at the end of the day. Hang on, I have always wondered why being a douche was such a bad thing. I mean, after all a douche spends its life servicing places that are nothing sort of paradise, so wouldn’t being called a douche a good thing?

Never mind that, as of now let’s concentrate on making life a little easier for my fellow lazy people.  What could you do that would be enjoyable and won’t make you want to zone out in the process; something that would get you through your boring corporate slavery and preserve your sense of individuality. These are some things that I feel I would be a hit at without tickling my lazy bone:

  • I will read books every day. Yes, I could manage that in my sleep if I had to. There is nothing better than reading books all day. And if laziness doesn’t get the better of me, I could probably muster out a review. Yeah, I can churn out more words everyday than Rumpelstiltskin could churn out gold from a hay stack.

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  • Watch TV shows all day, even between your job; come on, get a little sneaky. Also, besides that I could probably hold seminars for the lesser intelligent species of the human race, explaining the brilliance of the shows that they may not be able to grasp owing to the fact that they possess only a fraction of a human brain.

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  • Rally for a separate stand titled “Horse Shit” in every bookstore to display the Twilight series and the 50 Shades of Grey series. Also, every time a person buys any one of the book, hand out these bookmarks along with it

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  • Craft a wooden Elder Wand, carry it along with me, and every time I find someone who says, “Twilight is better than Harry Potter,” I am gonna jab that person in the eye with it. Why hasn’t anyone come around to doing that yet? It would be therapeutic.

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