To Date or not to Date a Whovian

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Chillaz guys, this post is not about the pros and cons of dating, oh wait it actually is, well sort of. It is about what it would be like to date a girl who literally worships Doctor Who. What would the relationship be like? Would it drive you up the wall, or want to travel to and settle down on another planet in order to escape the madness? Do you have what it takes to deal with the intense passions that she will portray, and intense she will be because no girl could show such devotion to a TV character and not be passionate or intense by default.

One thing you can expect from a girl who is crazy about Doctor Who is to show you endless loyalty, to put you on a mighty pedestal and worship you, as she will be picking her lessons from Rose Tyler herself. She will follow you to the end of the world and beyond, all you have to do is ask. Also, she will be extremely intelligent and smart, as no pinhead would even be able follow Doctor Who in the first place, so you might want to watch your IQ there, and make sure that it’s a match.

She will expect you to say the three magical words all the time. Only, they won’t be the usual ‘I love you’, instead, they are, ‘I’m the Doctor’. Yep, no kidding. Anytime you have an argument, simply mutter these words into her ear, and she will be putty in your hands. If you are looking for the kind of love that will last beyond time itself, then who better to love than the fan of the Time Lord herself?

Lemme warn you though, it is not going to be fun and games all the time, she will also have high expectations in return of the kind of devotion she deserves. She will expect you to defend her should the occasion arise. Mind you, she will be no damsel in distress, but she will occasionally need your help, and when she calls out to you, she will want you there by her side. She will want you to be romantic enough to burn the sun in order to say a goodbye. 

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Well, I never said it was going to be easy. You cannot have the best of the best without reciprocating along the same lines. It just doesn’t work that way. Things will be hard, sometimes you may not get the things that drive her, make her cry, or the things that she obsesses over; but if you hang in there you will have a lifetime full of passion, romance, love, devotion, loyalty, intelligence, and unmatched values that are so missing in the best of the people in this time and age.

 

Thank You for Judging Me

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Do you think the fact that the word ‘judgmental’ has the word ‘mental’ in it is a coincidence? Well, I think not. What gives people the right to get on a high horse and fling their unwanted and shallow opinions on someone? Its not the first time that people have questioned my obsession over books and TV shows, and it won’t be the last. there was a time when I used to get offended, sometimes feel like a social pariah, but now I flaunt my obsession. I wear it like a badge of pride, cos I know that it sets me apart from the ordinary ‘adorable’ people. It means that I have it in me to be passionate about something, and not just anything, it is something intelligent and complex, and is beyond the grasp of ‘normal’ people.

There was a time when being called a geek or a nerd was something to feel embarrassed about, but now it means that once you are done with your education you are going to make it big, maybe not Mark Zuckerberg big, but you will most definitely not be or barely getting past like most of the ‘jocks’ in your school who once picked on you.

Society stinks and how I like to think of them is a bunch of people who are completely unoriginal, want everyone to adhere to a certain set of rules that have been set by another long dead bunch of dunces, and are terrified of anything that threatens their oh-so-right set of shitty rules. Somehow no matter what you do, it is never going to be good enough, so why not do your own thing and let the haters hate?

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Doctor Who Ruins Me

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Last night I watched the finale of Doctor Who Season 2, and man, was that emotionally excruciating or what! Its been a while since I have experienced such an intense emotional upheaval, and it was a refreshing change from the zombie-like mental state that I usually am in. the last 15 minutes of the finale will get your tear ducts running overtime, so if you have an emotional capacity of a thimble, then you might not really get the point of it all.

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There is a lesson in there somewhere, that maybe loving someone is actually knowing exactly when to let go. The whole phenomenon of sacrificing for the greater good is no longer something that resonates with the idea of a sermon on a mount, but with ordinary people doing the most selfless things. Rose Tyler, who had been the Doctor’s companion for two seasons, was madly in love with him, but in the end she risked it all for the greater good. Just before she is transported into the parallel universe for good, there is a small window where the Doctor could have pulled her back, if he had tried, but he couldn’t risk it, knowing that his role in the preservation of the universe was far greater than saving his love. When Rose Tyler says, “Please don’t leave me”, it just rips your heart into two. Hell, it would rip a zombie’s heart into two!

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I know I sound preachy, and believe me I want to be anything but that, however, I cannot help marvel at what happened in those last few minutes of the finale. I haven’t felt that hollow in my chest for a long time now, and watching that episode taught me more about love and sacrifice than any B-grade Mills and Boons novel (yes, I have read one, only one, and I gravely regret it). Love isn’t always easy, like falling in love with an elusive billionaire, and finally making him fall for you (for those who haven’t read the MnB crap galore, this is the basic plot of all of the books in that series), its more than that. When the Doctor cannot tell how he feels to Rose in the end  because the connection breaks, there is nothing worse than that, nothing worse that not being able to tell  someone how much you love them before the time is up.

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No one gets why I love Doctor Who so much. What they fail to understand is that it is a one stop shop for all your nerdy and emotional tendencies, with its sic-fi themes, and the spaceships, aliens, cyber men, and best of all, the tragic and cursed fairytale that just cannot have a happy ending, and yet it will tug at your heart, or rather wreck it. It makes you want to find a man who would  burn up the sun just to be able to say goodbye, and not leave like a fucking coward without a backward glance (if you are looking for a logical reason behind this outburst, then read “The Ass Wipe Diaries” from the archives). The TV show is exactly like the Doctor explains, “It’s the stuff of legends”.

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The Ass Wipe Diaries

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Worry not, I am not going to bore you with inconsequential details of all the trivial things that I did or didn’t do in the past year; no insights about my cycles or anything of that sort, instead this is more like a summary for myself, and if you find that too much to read, then hop, skip and jump away from this page at once. Not to sound dramatic or melodramatic, it has been an entire year now since Ass Wipe asked me out saying he wanted to date me. For those of you who are a little daft, Ass Wipe is the obvious nick name I have bestowed upon the shit head who is responsible for some of my worst moments on this planet.

Like every other damsel who reads historical romances (guilty!) I had envisioned the whole knight-in-shining-armor scene unfolding just for my benefit. Instead what I got was a douche-in-skinny-jeans scene that more like beat the living day lights out of me instead of sweep me off of my feet. He was no tall, dark, handsome prince; instead, he was average built, fair (yeah, my bad), with average looks. Then what was it that attracted me to him? Well, it was nothing other than his big, massive, huge, wait for it, brain! Sorry to disappoint, but yeah, it was his intelligence and wit that attracted me to him in the first place.

For four years I put up with all his crap just to be friends with someone whom I thought was a match for my intelligence for a change. At the peril of sounding immodest, almost all the men I have ever met have simply bored me within the first five sentences out of their mind; and trust me I am worst than Sherlock shooting at the wall when bored. For the first time I had found someone who was smart, witty and could hold a conversation without referring to something tardy or making me feel like an object.

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However, it was obviously too good to be true, as Ass Wipe thought it was his birthright to be with a girl who looked like something ripped out of a Ralph Lauren brochure. Can you beat that? He himself looked like something puberty chewed and spat out, with his skinny physique and average height, thought that he was automatically entitled to a smoking hottie without looking like one himself. The nerve! Well, I may not be a hottie in the regular sense, but I have a rack that can stop oncoming traffic before the traffic cop can so much as spell the word STOP. Despite that if he wants to hang out at a tennis court, I prefer to leave him to his chosen misery.

Things went south and one day, after I struck a few well delivered verbal blows to his bloated ego, he disappeared, just stopped talking altogether. It is beyond fathomable human imagination the kind of hurt and bewilderment he left in his wake. The confusion and anger along with self loathing and hurt is indescribable, so I am not even going to try. All I will say is that if I could watch him burn alive right before my eyes, screaming in agony, it wouldn’t even measure up to a fraction of the pain and misery the Ass Wipe put me through.

It took months of support and love from my never wavering girlfriends who tirelessly and patiently let me vent, dragged me out of my own personal hell hole of self depreciation and made me survive, live one day after the other. They never let go, never gave up. For all of that and more, I will be eternally grateful to them. What was my fault that the Ass Wipe refused to take responsibility for his words and actions? Did I hold a gun to his dick and make him ask me out? Nope. Did I threaten to break off all contact unless he dated me saying that I couldn’t be ‘just friends’ anymore? Nope. Then why?

Anyhow, all of that is behind me now. Some bit still remains, memories have an ugly way of rearing their heads and annoying you at the worst possible time, but sometimes you just have to tell them to STFU and stay put. Today I have a couple of blogs that are more like my little babies to me, TV shows are my go to drug, and books are my never failing companions. People around me say that leave the Ass Wipe to Karma. The hell I am going to let Karma do my dirty work for me! And who do you think taught Karma to be such a bitch in the first place?

I can love a man who is a borderline narcissist, who can be self centered and at times behave like a douche, because come on, don’t we all? But I could never love a coward who refuses to take responsibility for his words and actions, deflecting blame so that he can clamber onto the self-righteous high horse and gallop off cruelly without so much as a backward glance; at least, never again!

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A Job Description for a Lazy Personality

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If you are reading this then the title probably struck a chord, and you thought, “Finally! Someone is gonna tell me what I can do, because of course I am too lazy to think of something.” I worked the corporate scene for a year and then some, and figured that it just isn’t for me. Had to wake up too early, catch just the right train or you would be at the risk of being thrown off of the train without the ‘This is Spartaaaaa!’ preamble, slog all day long like a donkey, with no creativity whatsoever, and then feel like a douche at the end of the day. Hang on, I have always wondered why being a douche was such a bad thing. I mean, after all a douche spends its life servicing places that are nothing sort of paradise, so wouldn’t being called a douche a good thing?

Never mind that, as of now let’s concentrate on making life a little easier for my fellow lazy people.  What could you do that would be enjoyable and won’t make you want to zone out in the process; something that would get you through your boring corporate slavery and preserve your sense of individuality. These are some things that I feel I would be a hit at without tickling my lazy bone:

  • I will read books every day. Yes, I could manage that in my sleep if I had to. There is nothing better than reading books all day. And if laziness doesn’t get the better of me, I could probably muster out a review. Yeah, I can churn out more words everyday than Rumpelstiltskin could churn out gold from a hay stack.

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  • Watch TV shows all day, even between your job; come on, get a little sneaky. Also, besides that I could probably hold seminars for the lesser intelligent species of the human race, explaining the brilliance of the shows that they may not be able to grasp owing to the fact that they possess only a fraction of a human brain.

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  • Rally for a separate stand titled “Horse Shit” in every bookstore to display the Twilight series and the 50 Shades of Grey series. Also, every time a person buys any one of the book, hand out these bookmarks along with it

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  • Craft a wooden Elder Wand, carry it along with me, and every time I find someone who says, “Twilight is better than Harry Potter,” I am gonna jab that person in the eye with it. Why hasn’t anyone come around to doing that yet? It would be therapeutic.

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Nutella is the Ultimate Alien Technology

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Hold on, don’t be so quick to pass judgement or discard my hypothesis as the ramblings of a delusional person. I have some theories that will prove beyond doubt that Nutella is no ordinary chocolate that you simply spread onto your morning toast or have chunks full of when humanity deceives you, no, it serves a greater purpose.

  • Anti-Dementors Effect: What is the one thing that makes us feel better after we have had an encounter with a Dementors? Yes, its nothing other than good old chocolate. And what is the best form of chocolate known to mankind? Nutella. Hence, it is safe to say that Nutella is no ordinary human creation, it is something that has been given to us by our friends from the neighbouring planet.
  • The Mind Palace: What is the one place that Sherlock loves to disappear to? His mind palace of course. Yeah, he says it is to think better and escape ordinary people and their jibber jabber, but it is actually because the walls of his mind palace are made of hardened Nutella! Yes, I am quite sure of it, because why else would he want to go there so often? He is Sherlock after all, he doesn’t need to be in a different place to think, he is a genius! No imbecile like Anderson could really impact his thinking, as he can think on the go, but he prefers to do so in his mind palace, because it is made of Nutella.
  • Fuel for the TARDIS: If you are a Whovian, then no doubt the one mode of transportation that you would love to try out is the TARDIS. Who are you kidding, you would happily give your right arm in exchange for one ride! So the question is what fuels the magnificent TARDIS? Yeah, the Doctor says that it is the Artron Energy from the vortex, but think about it, do you think something as amazing and 21st century defying would not require the help of the best form of chocolate in the world, AKA Nutella?

Go on, you can contradict me all you like, but somewhere I have gotten a tiny corner in your brain thinking, is Nutella merely a chocolate, or some form of alien technology that we are being fed to enhance ourselves? Because heaven knows we do need enhancing!